I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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