At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize