we have officially lost it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
