Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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