This is not my ceiling
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
