you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
