Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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