I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
