i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
