God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
