He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
