Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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