When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
