I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
