I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize