thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
