Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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