Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
