He is such a slut. More and more my type.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
