Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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