She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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