It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
