I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
