How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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