OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
