jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
