it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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