I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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