Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
