Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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