Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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