did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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