my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
