he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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