Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
