My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
