East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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