Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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