you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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