i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
