guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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