she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
