Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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