My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
