Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Houston, we have a squirter
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
