So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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