thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
