Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
