Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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