When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
