I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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