All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
