First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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