Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
