I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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