omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
