The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
