I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
