I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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