He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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