how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
