so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
