ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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