Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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