I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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