Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
