Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
