I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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