Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
