took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
