i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
