Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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