Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
