my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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