Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
