I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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