WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
