More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
there is glitter all over my balls
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