I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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